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My Turnby Maileen Hamto |
 |
From The Asian Reporter, V17, #33 (August 14, 2007), page 6.
Open letter to my tween daughter
It’s hard to believe that you’re turning 10 in a few months. Geez, you’re officially a tween, fast approaching the double digits.
Ugh, this means I have but a few precious years before I begin to lose serious mindshare to competing elements in your environment. I feel that is happening already. Before you do any more growing up, I’ve put together some basic life pointers.
No, this isn’t the cue for you to stop reading. And yes, I know, you’re only entering the fourth grade, and not graduating from high school. (I blame it on the immigrant work ethic that drives an ultra-proactive stance.) Let’s begin:
Never forget your roots. Although you were born and raised in Texas, our family has roots elsewhere that go way deep. This is the reason why we sometimes have lumpia (eggrolls) during the Fourth of July, lechon (roast pig) at Thanksgiving, and kare-kare at Christmastime. This is the reason why we attend cultural events, sing karaoke at parties, and hang out with countless titos (uncles) and titas (aunties). Part of being an American is never betraying your roots, why we keep our heritage alive the best way we know how.
Be proud of your mixed heritage. That is one of the wonderful surprises about you. Consider your ethnic ambiguity as a gift. You’re a natural leader. It would be so easy for you to make friends with folks from various communities. To do this well, however, always remember to give due respect. There is a very fine line between self-confidence and self-importance, and between assertiveness and arrogance.
Don’t accept other people’s labels, and never allow anyone to place you in a box. Remember that only you can define who you are. Know your worth and have absolute confidence in what you can accomplish. Ten times out of 10, it doesn’t matter what other people think or say about you.
Our family didn’t come to America to become sheeple (sheep + people). Being part of a community does not mean following a herd, to endlessly seek the approval of others. Valuing community does not mean completely abandoning your individuality.
Being a functioning and productive member of a community equates to fully developing the unique talents and skills that set you apart from your peers. Find out the things at which you’re the best in the world. Only by cultivating those talents can you empower others to succeed as well.
Listen intently and understand. Being able to stay quiet and to pay attention to others are important skills at 10, and only become more important as one grows older.
The most sincere way to honor our elders is to seek, listen to, and heed their advice. If our family is run like a business, then consider me as the CEO and President, with lolo (Papa) and lola (Gammy) as co-chairpersons of the board. As you know, Gammy won’t let you forget that she has a whole lifetime’s worth of experiences and lessons learned. It’s wise to leverage and learn as much from their know-how.
Be supportive of your girlfriends. The most rewarding and long-lasting friendships I have ever had were with my peers — girls I knew way back in grade school. Some girls are fortunate to grow up with sisters, and the next best thing are girlfriends. Have fun, support each other, and nurture those bonds. There’s nothing like having the friendship and loyalty of smart chicas who always have your back.
Nurture connections with other humans. In this age of online gaming, virtual pets, and second lives, modes of self-expression also are increasingly more accessible. As you expand your network to the world via photo projects on Flickr, or update your blog, or make video creations available on YouTube, remember that you can have just as much fun simply hanging out with friends and (gasp!) sharing the same space.
It may seem improbable at the moment, but one day you may find yourself not minding boys too much. At fourth grade they can be a bit annoying, but they grow up. Eventually.
Hmmm … perhaps this conversation can be saved and continued at a later date.
All righty then. Isn’t it great that grownups have so much to share in terms of advice?
I love you, anak.