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Talking Story 
by Polo

From The Asian Reporter, V17, #6 (February 6, 2007), page 7.

Okay-okay, I know everybody at our Eastside Saturday morning noodleshops shakes their heads when science guys get big federal bucks to do studies and declare findings — telling us things we already know. Fat in your food is bad. Exercise in the afternoon is good. Reading to kids in bed makes them smart. Holding your woman’s hand soothes her heart. I know you know. No science necessary.

Pero okay, Americans sometimes need it on paper. By the numbers.

Ayoh, here’s another truth, now made statistically more true by our buds in their bright white lab coats: the lighter your skin, the more American employers will think you’re worth. What’s more: taller immigrants earn more than shorter ones. Every extra inch gets you another one percent more income.

These findings are about to be published by Joni Hersch, Professor of Law and Economics at Vanderbilt University, based on a 2003 federal survey of newly arrived immigrants. Professor Hersch factored out obvious advantages such as English proficiency, educational level, even country of origin. In short: a tall, light-skinned (city) Lao will make more money than a short, dark-skinned (country, or ethnic minority) Lao. Stick in there any nationality, results are the same.

On average, according to Professor Hersch’s study, which she will present at the American Association for the Advancement of Science later this month, for every shade lighter, you can expect to be paid what employees get for every extra year of education a new hire brings to the job. My younger brother, easily four shades lighter and four inches taller, is worth four more years of school. Hmm.

On average, Professor Hersch’s light-skinned immigrants earned eight to 15 percent more than dark ones.

The study used an 11-point skin tone scale. Wonder white to whole-grain Black Forest bread.

Pretty cool, eh? And you thought our elders smearing on that nasty skin-bleach salve all those centuries had it all wrong.

William Darity Jr., a University of North Carolina economics professor, did similar research in 2006, looking for links between wages and skin tone among similarly educated and experienced African Americans. For blacks, their old folks and now these smart scientists say the same thing: the lighter your skin the finer your future.

I can’t wait for Professor Hersch to release her paper in San Francisco later in February. Not because she’s telling us something new, but because we’ve already taken her work a couple of steps further. Both good.

1. Folks around our Sunday afternoon kitchen tables know, in a way people crunching numbers into late nights cannot, that us fellas have heard these funky findings from our ladies since we were school kids.

Me: Uh, what kinda guy you gonna marry when you grow up, Mina? (Translation: You like me, right?)

She: A white boy of course, you tolol.

Me: Oh.

She: I want tall and light kids. Nice round eyes, too.

Me: Oh.

We’ve always known women are on-point at an instinctive level. As mothers, they want their babies blessed with every biological and sociological advantage a good pairing can bring. That’s what a good mother does. Women are eminently practical. Professor Hersch proves it. Indeed, her study gives da wahines what science they’ve always yearned for. To back their shopping habits.

2. When our erudite professor publishes her paper, Americans may move closer to examining and accepting our awful little prejudices. The good news is: Yanks got nothing on Asians, Africans, Arabs, Latin Americans (name your favorite A-group) when it comes to bigotry. Nada.

Skin color has ruled us longer than the longest memory of any ancient auntie. Way back. We’ve believed whiter is righter so long, we don’t even feel bad about it. Aduh’illah, you don’t see ricepickers lying on beach towels, oiled up, snoozing under our suriya sun. Roasting like turkeys.

But once Americans examine what’s right and wrong about their stuff, once they set their minds to it, they get all technical about remedying what feels bad. Social engineers roll up their sleeves. Laws and regulations get erected. Goals projected. Outcomes measured. All good.

* * *

Aduh’illah (Indo Patois, from Arabic, the language of the family of Islam): milder version of Al’hamdulilah (Thank God). More like: oh my gosh.

ayoh (Malay, Indo Patois): let’s go-go-go. Different from ayah (pan-Asian expression of dismay).

city/country: darker skin is often associated with working out under the sun. The idea that urban is cooler than farm.

nada (Spanish, an Asian colonial language): nothing.

okay (From English, now universal language): good. Affirmative.

pero (Tagalog, Indo Patois, Spanish): but.

suriya (Thai, Khmer, Malay, Bahasa Indonesian): sun.

tolol (Indo Patois): dope. Woodenhead.

wahine (Hawaiian. Pronounced: va-hee-nay): chica, nonya, babes, you know who I mean.