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Talking Story  by Polo

From The Asian Reporter, V17, #10 (March 6, 2007), page 7.

Our mother’s oldest brother, Elder Uncle Oom Harry always drank Earl Grey tea. Nothing but Earl Grey, with cream and a lot of sugar. And scalding hot, Arab-style.

And so, me too, because I’ve always wanted to be like him. Strong English tea was an obvious first step. First thing every early morning, again at tea time, then at mid-afternoon, and a final brew after supper.

One late August evening while sitting on our father’s shady lanai, sipping our sweet teas, Big Uncle said to my next youngest brother and me: "Lucky we have two lawyers in our family, porque America has 730 rules for what is a good man."

Little Brother made me a quick glance, through his fragrant tea steam.

"Yah, Oom Harry," I said. Had to say. That’s all you can say when an elder says things. Big things.

After some minutes and several long noisy slurps, I said "Oom Harry — why seven hundred and thirty rules?"

"Nah, Joh," he said, placing his porcelain cup on it’s delicate little saucer, pacing just so his inevitable punch line: "We have 365 days in a year, rules change every day in America, and even so, Americans must argue both sides of each rule. Three hundred and sixty-five multiplied by two is 730. There you have it: seven hundred and thirty rules." He smiled, his teeth stained as bad by Earl Grey as mine are today, twenty years later.

Seven hundred and thirty rules to be a good American. That’s hard.

So hard. Much harder than back home, back where there’s basically three: Responsibility, Respect, Reverence. And our rules, like Elder Uncle’s tea times, stay the same, always the same.

America is a bit more trouble than that.

What makes a good guy here, on this chaotic continent? And conversely, who is a bad dad or son or husband in our current complex American context, requires a lot of thinking.

Here’s one such circumstance. An American one. Two Asian guys.

A couple of Sundays ago, we sat listening to a respected elder of an O’ahu Japanese American family, Mr. Robert Watada. He spoke with quiet pride about his son, U.S. Army 1st Lt. Ehren K. Watada. Lt. Watada is the first commissioned military officer to refuse marching orders to Iraq. He will not go to that fight.

Then, this last Saturday, I sat next to the esteemed Col. Suor Tan (retired, Royal Cambodian Army), another dignified community elder, also proud of his son, U.S. Army Col. Simsundareth "Sonny" Tan. Col. Tan was in Tigard for a two-week break from his command in Afghanistan. He is serving our country in that war.

So. What’s the rule here? Which is our good son, which is our bad?

If Big Uncle Harry were still among us living, I’d ask him. We’d have tea and he’d help me think through this thing. Without him, with nothing more than my miserable 730 American Rule theory — I’ll just give myself a headache. Or worse, I won’t even try to understand this important moral dilemma, and this is really bad. This is how we diminish our ancient and elegant cultural core. This is when we cease being Asian, in America.

If we examine these two strong men’s familial and ancestral histories, it becomes even more obvious how important careful thinking and conscientious conclusions are to our cultural integrity, so far away from home.

Lt. Watada’s recent court-martial just up the road at Fort Lewis has unearthed deeply felt, rarely expressed, discord within AJA communities (Americans of Japanese Ancestry). Unspoken and unresolved anger all around.

No one will forget how only 65 years ago, President Roosevelt ordered West Coast Japanese-American families out of their homes. The Army railroaded silent grandmas, working dads, squirrelly school kids, and pretty babies to desert prison camps.

In response, young men eager to prove they were good Americans, sons obliged to restore family honor, volunteered to fight America’s fascist enemies in our ugliest battles. In segregated units.

Other young AJAs however, just as principled, just as stubborn, said no to so-called government loyalty oaths and said no to fighting a U.S. war, until our Constitution was resuscitated for their American families. The dissonance between these "No-No Boys" and those who fought and suffered and perished, remains unsettled today.

No one doubts how hard it was, and still is, for AJA elders and activists, to talk about the shame of waking one December morning and having our government make public enemies of everyone in your household. The betrayal of an immigrant’s love.

Ehren Watada and his father are made of that history, good and bad. Of love and loss.

When asked if he disobeyed a direct order, the order to ship to Iraq with his unit, Lt. Watada says yes. He then goes on to express his sincere belief that the Military Code of Justice requires dutiful soldiers to disobey illegal orders. He says the Iraq War is unlawful. He says it is illegal under International Law and the U.S. Constitution.

On February 7, a military judge declared a mistrial in Lt. Watada’s case. A new court-martial is scheduled to begin in July.

When Col. Sonny Tan returned last weekend to Tigard, to his lovely wife and lively boys, to his esteemed elders and Khmer-American community, the weight of history settled heavy on him too. His family can count the years lost, can count their relatives buried, but cannot measure the dimensions of their sorrow under the demonic Khmer Rouge. Dark Years, without accounting.

Like their AJA cousins, like all Asians tend to do, their silence about that, about all their anguish, is deafening. But they are nonetheless informed by it. They are forged as a folk, by it.

No doubt, when Col. Tan was called up to ship out to Afghanistan, he also did not want to go. To leave his family. No man thinks killing is cool. But Sonny would say he took an oath to serve. He served in the first Iraq War, he served in Oregon’s National Guard anti-drug operations, in local search-and-rescue missions, and during our state’s frequent natural disasters. In a June 2001 Asian Reporter interview, Sonny said serving is payback. "Payback for all this country has given me and my family."

So how do we reconcile our two guys: both bright, both brave, each his father’s pride? What do we make of the burden history has packed on their backs? Getting it right is essential, for both of them, and for all of us. Asians in America.

But what’s the rule here? Where do we go when our elder uncles are no longer around for tea?

I would suggest the basics. I don’t mean Western basics: American rights (rights to think and speak and act) or Yankee individualism (you think Ehren Watada’s right, I say Sonny Tan is). Those avenues tend to make more anger. More chaos. Not answers.

Let’s go back to traditional basics. Responsibility, Respect, Reverence. These basics are rooted inside our ribcages, not in our heads, not in endless argument.

Responsibility: Both sons act responsibly in maintaining their families’ face. Each is responsible for himself. Ehren is responding to his ethical duties and accepts what consequences (prison, loss of career, public ridicule) may come. Sonny responds to his moral obligations and accepts what consequences (absence from family, injury, death) come from his decision. Straight-up responsibility for your acts is at the core of cultural integrity. No cry babies here.

Respect: Both men demonstrate simple respect for their place in our world. Ehren centers his actions on his respect for the rule of law. He says our Army’s occupation of Afghanistan respects U.S. and International Law, so he will fight there. Sonny’s success in predictably ambiguous and pragmatically ambivalent Khandahar Province depends on his respect for that difficult cultural context. If anyone can get down with local tribal elders, Sonny can. Neither man lowers himself to the unseemly levels Americans tend to occupy, in our faraway battles and in our warring among ourselves. Respect.

Reverence: Good sons, men we trust, are ultimately guided by reverence. Men awed by their presence in a precious universe. By their place in a grand, breathing creation that is more, much-much more, than the individual space each guy occupies. A guy who will think and speak and act consistent with reverence for that Creation, that God, that Allah, that Buddha — you pick the Name, you know what I mean — it’s not worth arguing about.