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My Turn
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Illustration by Wayne Chan.
From The Asian Reporter, V31, #8 (August 2, 2021), page 6.
But why would an ostrich cough up a fur ball?
Many years ago, writer and columnist Wayne Chan came upon a young man who pens a number of comic strips, a good portion of them drawn from the perspective of an Asian American. When Wayne saw the cartoonist’s works, he thought they were truly terrific. They got to talking and thought it might be a perfect match if they collaborated, combining Wayne’s columns and the artist’s strips. The two work in different mediums, as Wayne writes columns and the illustrator draws comic strips, but they share a commonality of perspectives as Asian Americans who find humor in everyday life.
So without further ado, Wayne would like to introduce you to — and he’s not making this up — Wayne Chan.
Wayne the cartoonist is based in the Bay Area, and yes, the strip you see as part of this column is by him. We hope you enjoy their fun.
I must confess, I love it when people ask if I’m bilingual. In conversations with friends and acquaintances, when I’m asked, "Are you fluent in Chinese as well?" I confidently proclaim, "Yes. I. Am." So as not to overdo it, I try to refrain from going overboard by making sure I don’t place both my hands on my hips or puff out my chest while saying it.
In reality, though, the answer isn’t quite as impressive. If I’m being completely honest, my answer to the question "Are you fluent in Chinese as well?" would still be "yes," but to be entirely accurate, I should probably also add some qualifiers. Answers that would be more on the money might be: "Well, yes, sort of …" or "Kinda, pretty much" or "Yes, on any given day, under the right circumstances, sure."
The truth is, I am proud of the fact that I can speak Chinese. Having been born and raised in the U.S., I really appreciate that my parents made sure I understood the basics of the language. When I’m among a group of people who are speaking Chinese, I can honestly say I’m able to follow the conversation and understand what they’re talking about. I’m not the most talkative of the group, but I’m not the most talkative of a group when the conversation is in English, either. Maybe that’s why I’m a writer.
A potential issue might pop up, though, when a conversation veers into a topic that I’m not well versed, or someone uses a word I’m unfamiliar with that is at the crux of the discussion. If you don’t understand that word, the whole conversation starts to snowball. Let me provide an example.
My brother-in-law and his family from Taiwan are staying with us at our home. Their daughter, my niece Melody, is much like another daughter to me. The fact that she and her family are living with us while they receive their COVID-19 shots is just about the only bright spot of this whole pandemic experience.
One day, Melody was talking to me about life back in Taiwan and began telling me stories about her new pet. The conversation, all in Chinese, focused on how cute "Bubbles" is, and what a terrific companion she is to her.
Now, I assumed Melody’s new pet was a cat or a dog. The problem was, the Chinese words for "dog" and "cat" are words I know, but she didn’t use those words. So based on my Chinese vocabulary, she was either referring to a cat by its breed, such as "Siamese," or my niece adopted a pet ostrich.
Based purely on my highly refined Chinese linguistic capabilities, I’m going with ostrich. Yes, it may seem a little odd that my niece decided to get a chick that will end up growing up to be the size of a typical NBA player, but who am I to judge? Maybe she suddenly developed a passion for ornithology.
As best as I understand the situation, Bubbles the ostrich is very shy. In fact, when Melody wants to take Bubbles out of her apartment to visit a friend or go to the vet, Bubbles immediately hides under a bed or on top of a dresser in their closet.
Now, I haven’t been to their apartment in Taipei for a number of years, but I don’t remember any of their beds having enough clearance under them to hide a pet ostrich. Not only that, Taipei’s apartments rarely have walk-in closets, and I think one would at least need to have a fairly large armoire in order to support a bird that big on top.
What can I say? Kids these days. Sorry, I need to go. Melody is telling me about her latest purchase. She either bought a new scooter to get around Taipei … or she may have invented a new jetpack to go from place to place.
I’ll report back later.
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