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My Turn
by

Wayne Chan

From The Asian Reporter, V33, #1 (January 2, 2023), page 6.

It’s the sticky rice dilemma

We made it through another holiday season.

I like the holidays, mind you, but it does get complicated. In fact, I have questions. For example …

What’s with the cranberry sauce? Before you start, I get it. That’s what the pilgrims ate back in the day. But, the pilgrims also ate cow tongue as part of their diet. I don’t remember any cow tongue next to the gravy the last time I checked.

Another thing — when I bring up the whole cranberry sauce thing with my friends, they inevitably say, "I love cranberry sauce with my turkey!" OK, that’s fine, you like that combination.

But, if that’s the case, why stop there? If you really like cranberry sauce with your main dish, why not continue the trend? The next time you eat roast beef, why not smother it in some strawberry jam? Or how about pan-seared halibut covered with orange marmalade? It’s the same concept, right? I know, I know … sacrilege.

And could somebody please explain pumpkin pie to me? Why does it have to be pumpkin? We only eat it at Thanksgiving, and nobody really seems to like it. When I was a kid, I thought people made pumpkin pie from the old pumpkins they bought for Halloween. But no, the pumpkin in the pumpkin pie always seems to come out of a can.

Here’s another complication. As a Chinese-American family, we have the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and yes, cranberry sauce, but we also have a special item — Chinese Sticky Rice.

I love Chinese Sticky Rice. My wife Maya makes it every year for Thanksgiving and Christmas, and it’s the absolute favorite item at our meals. There is a traditional dish called nuò mi fàn in Chinese, and it’s a mixture of sticky rice, Chinese sausage, dried shrimp, shitake mushrooms, and soy sauce, among other things. Maya’s sticky rice recipe comes steaming hot, sticky of course, and oozing with umami flavor. For those who have tried it, it is a must-have at our home.

OK, I think we’ve established that I love Chinese Sticky Rice. The problem is, everyone else who attends either our Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner also loves Maya’s sticky rice.

You know what that means, right? It means there’s a lot of sticky rice going to people who are not me. To make things worse, for supposed health reasons, Maya doesn’t want me to eat too much of the sticky rice so she:

a) Portion-controls my sticky rice intake, and

b) Insists on our guests taking some home so I don’t have any leftovers.

That’s two meals! Thanksgiving and Christmas! It’s the only time I ever have sticky rice. I’m perfectly fine with only having pumpkin pie once a year, but why do we have to artificially limit my enjoyment of sticky rice?

Of course, I can eat as much cranberry sauce as I’d like. And potatoes. And stuffing.

Since my birthday is coming up, I’m trying to leave little hints around the house that the latest tradition is to celebrate your husband’s birthday by fixing up a batch of Chinese Sticky Rice.

Wish me luck.

Humor writer Wayne Chan lives in the San Diego area;

cartoonist Wayne Chan is based in the Bay Area.

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My Turn by

Wayne Chan

My Turn
by