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My Turn by Wayne Chan

From The Asian Reporter, V34, #5 (May 6, 2024), page 6.

It was like someone flipped a switch.

There were signs. Many signs. AARP membership notices showing up. Realizing a few years ago that I was eligible for the IHOP 55-and-over "senior menu." Ads appearing during my internet searches promoting walk-in tubs and chair lifts to assist in getting up and down stairs.

But I never paid any attention. I’ve always been active, playing tennis three to four times a week. And I’ve lost weight and made an effort to watch what I eat.

Then, a few months ago, I turned 60.

OK, let’s go through the list.

Since I turned 60, I went on a cruise to New Zealand and Australia with my wife Maya as well as my brother and cousin and their spouses. Despite the fact that among the six of us, I was the only one who wore a mask while in crowded spaces, I was the sole person to catch COVID (for the second time). Also while on the cruise, I was chewing on some beef jerky when one of my molars broke off.

Getting back home, after just recovering from COVID, I felt some stomach pains. I figured it was just indigestion, so I decided to wait a few days. When it didn’t get any better, I went to see my doctor. They ran some tests then called me, asking me to go to the hospital and check into the emergency room for surgery.

I was definitely surprised. I’d originally thought they would just give me some antacids and send me home. I had even planned to play tennis later that evening.

Instead, I had kidney stones and needed surgery to address it.

The surgery went well and I returned home to recover. I decided to take a shower and, for the first time in my life, I slipped on the bathroom floor and landed on one of my knees. I tried to remember where I last saw that advertisement for the walk-in tub.

What the heck’s going on? None of this kind of stuff happened to me four months ago. I figured all the aches and pains of getting older were just a part of aging gracefully. I never figured there was an actual internal switch that flipped from "young" to "old" all of a sudden.

But here’s where I’m really conflicted.

After getting home following the procedure, Maya, during the course of the day, let our friends and family know about my kidney stones and the surgery.

She spoke to her brother and his wife in Taiwan, who are very close to us, and told them what happened. They both sent their best wishes and hope for a speedy recovery. It was very sweet of them.

But here’s my concern.

The next day, they called back and asked for my birth date and how to correctly write my name in Chinese characters. The reason? They were going to a temple the next day, where they would make an offering and place my name alongside a Buddhist statue and pray for my recovery. They sent a photo of my name placed alongside one of the statues.

I deeply appreciate their thoughtfulness in doing this, but it did make me feel like I was on death’s doorstep. I figured I had this under control — I’ve got kidney stones! I need to drink more water!

But now, I’m thinking, they’re praying for me? Do I have unfinished business I need to take care of? Who is going to deliver my eulogy?!? Where is the closest assisted-living facility? Should I start looking at those ads for a walk-in tub for real now?

I’m not trying to make light of the situation, but on the other hand, who could blame me if I did? I’m not the one who seems to think I’m about to "meet my maker!"

I think I’m going to chalk this up to a difference in culture. Come to think of it, all this anxiety has made me thirsty. Better get some water.

Humor writer Wayne Chan lives in the San Diego area; cartoonist Wayne Chan is based in the Bay Area.

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