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My Turn by Wayne Chan

I have a confession: When it comes to Chinese food, I am a snob.

I admit it. It’s a problem. If someone knows about a 12-step program that addresses Chinese food snobbery, please ring me up. I need help.

Here’s an example of a recent episode I’m not too proud of:

In our neighborhood, a new Chinese restaurant opened up, replacing another Chinese restaurant. We walked in and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. In fact, it looked exactly like the old Chinese restaurant, which isn’t really a bad thing, except that we figured that might mean the food would be the same, too, which was pretty ordinary.

The tables and chairs were the same. The floors and the lighting seemed unchanged. The new owners, either out of expense or just practicality, didn’t put much emphasis in setting a new tone or environment for the place. Our expectations for the food weren’t all that high.

And then we looked at the menu.

The menu was a beautiful, glossy notebook with many of the dishes displayed in full color. And for the food items themselves, there was a huge variety — from full lobster over egg noodles, crabmeat meatball soup, and sautéed eel in sizzling oil to shepherd’s purse dumplings among other dumpling options. In other words, the menu was a Chinese gourmand’s fantasy meal.

But the most important thing was that the menu wasn’t all just a show. Every dish we ordered came out piping hot, perfectly presented, and tasted as amazing as it looked on the menu.

Obviously, we had found our new favorite neighborhood restaurant.

But here is where my snobbery kicks in.

We’ve eaten here a few times now, and during our last visit, another couple came in and sat right next to us. They seemed pleasant enough and I didn’t really pay much attention and went back to enjoying our amazing meal.

About 20 minutes later, the waiter brings a dish to their table and says, "Here you go, orange chicken!"

WHAT?!? You ordered ORANGE CHICKEN?

But it didn’t stop there. No, no.

The next dish? Broccoli with beef!

Broccoli with beef!!

Now, I have nothing against orange chicken or broccoli with beef. If I’m at an airport terminal, want to get a quick bite to eat, and I see a fast-food buffet style Chinese stall, I’ll order orange chicken. Maybe even pork chow mein or Mongolian beef. No problem.

But if I go to a restaurant and the menu clearly shows pictures of some of their authentic specialties, why would I ever consider ordering General Tso’s chicken or sweet-and-sour pork?

It’s like going into an elegant French bakery and after seeing all the amazing cakes, éclairs, and macarons, you ask the person at the counter, "Do you sell Hostess cupcakes? No? What about twinkies? Any twinkies?"

Or how about going to a high-end steak house and asking the waiter, "I’m trying to decide between the Salisbury steak or the meatloaf. What would you recommend?"

It took every ounce of self-control for me not to say something to the guests sitting across from us about their entrée choices. Something like, "Was the kitchen out of egg foo young?!?"

But thankfully, I kept my mouth shut.

Now, before you accuse me of being a Chinese food snob — I think I already admitted that I have a problem — the reality is the guests sitting next to us seemed to be perfectly happy with the food they ordered. And I guess that’s all that matters, right?

In the end, it’s a smart move by the restaurant to provide a variety of items on their menu to appeal to all their customers, not just the snobby ones.

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