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My Turn by Wayne Chan

From The Asian Reporter, V32, #10 (October 3, 2022), page 6.

Sometimes, writing a column regularly is a struggle.

What interests me? What interests YOU? What interests my editors? As writers, we want to make sure the ideas or stories we put together have an impact. In my case, the payoff is bringing a smile to someone’s face, even if only for a moment.

So, when I came across a story of an exodus of people from Hong Kong deciding to move somewhere else and having to pay tens of thousands of dollars to bring their dogs and cats with them, I immediately thought, "This is a column that will practically write itself."

The reason for thousands of local and expatriate residents leaving Hong Kong isn’t particularly funny, though — the continuing struggle with strict COVID-19 restrictions as well as political turmoil following anti-government protests in 2019.

When I read about the high demand of space for pets on commercial airline flights, and people resorting to flying their pets out on private jets, the ideas just started flowing.

For example, below are some potential rules for dogs flying on private jets:

• All dogs flying out on a private jet must be named either "Buffy" or "Jody." If you, the dog, are not already named either of these, you must be renamed. For your consideration, acceptable alternatives are "Priscilla" or "Darby."
• As our jets are typically used for human passengers, we’ve altered the menu options for this flight. Instead of an appetizer of shrimp cocktail and champagne, we are serving the industry’s finest bacon flavored chew toys and peanut butter rawhide sticks.
• As a reminder, if you aren’t able to finish your treats, please do NOT use the paper bag stowed in the pocket in front of you. It may look like a doggy bag, but it’s used for an entirely different purpose altogether.
• During takeoff, please keep your seats in the upright position. On this flight specifically, please also refrain from sniffing your fellow passengers or chasing your own tail in the middle of the aisle.
• Finally, since most of you won’t understand these instructions anyway, we may need to reinforce some of these instructions by saying "Down boy!" or "Who’s my girl?" repeatedly.

So you can see where I was headed.

I mean, on the face of it, the story is pretty rich (both literally and figuratively). People are sometimes paying up to $18,000 to ship pets to their new homes. It’s ridiculous, right?

But, in the middle of writing this, Molly, our golden retriever, came up to my desk, promptly dropped her favorite chew toy at my feet, looked up at me with her huge puppy eyes, and seemed to plead, "Please play with me."

It doesn’t matter that I have already played with her. It doesn’t matter that I bought her that chew toy. She dropped it as a gift right at my feet. I’m now converted.

I should have known it from the beginning. Our pets are part of the family. Speaking for myself, if I had to leave town abruptly, Molly is coming too, no matter what.

Come to think of it, the last time we flew with her, while I was trying to get somewhat comfortable in the middle seat, Molly had quietly snuck her way up the aisle to the first-class section. The first-class passengers loved her and kept her there the whole flight.

That’s OK. I managed to get an extra packet of peanuts.

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Opinions expressed in this newspaper are those of the
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