Who could ever imagine that a tube of toothpaste would lead to a titanic battle of wills between a husband and wife?

My wife Maya and I were recently at Target shopping for a few things when I stopped in the pharmacy aisle and said, "I need to buy a couple of mini-tubes of toothpaste." I had an upcoming business trip to China, and airports don’t typically allow the full-size tubes of toothpaste anymore.

Maya looked back at me and said, "No, don’t do that. We have a whole bunch of them at home. We don’t need anymore."

As I was now standing right in front of a bin of mini-toothpaste, I picked up two small tubes, priced at less than a dollar, and said, "Well, I’ll just get a couple, just in case."

Maya, now leaving our cart and walking in front of me, looked at me with an exasperated expression on her face, and said, "Just put them down. I told you, we have a whole drawer full of mini-toothpaste in the guest bathroom. Don’t waste money."

I quietly put the two tubes, less than a dollar each, back in the bin.

My reason for giving in was simple: I can never find anything. If there’s something I need at home, unless it’s sitting clearly on the kitchen counter with nothing around it except for large arrows pointed at it in order to get my attention, I will not see it.

When I look in the fridge for something, my theory is that anything beyond six inches deep is basically in a purgatory zone that is completely inaccessible to mortal men. I will do a visual inspection from different angles of the fridge, but if what I seek is hidden behind a carton of milk, it is generally unsuitable for human consumption.

A few days ago, I was holding my wallet in my hand in front of me while standing in front of my wife and kids telling them that I could not find my wallet.

Needless to say, the last thing I was about to do was challenge my wife about a drawer full of mini-toothpaste tubes in our guest bathroom. I will not risk the condemnation of my wife, who will rail on me for the rest of my life for needlessly buying two tubes of, less than a dollar each, mini-toothpaste.

With that issue settled, we went home. After putting away the items we bought, I nonchalantly walked into our guest bathroom to get a single tube of mini-toothpaste from what would surely be a drawer filled with a lifetime supply of mini-toothpaste. The logic of why we would happen to have a drawer filled with a lifetime supply of mini-toothpaste is another question altogether.

The only thing is, there was nothing. There is only one drawer in the guest bathroom — and we only have one guest bathroom.

Given my poor track record of finding things, my immediate reaction was not to gloat or take even the tiniest bit of satisfaction in this — after all, perhaps I misunderstood which drawer she was referring to. Maybe one of the kids had decided to move all the toothpaste tubes to another drawer. Who knows? The only thing I knew was that there was no toothpaste in that drawer.

So, as I do every time I’m missing anything, I gingerly walked over to Maya and told her there was no toothpaste in the guest bathroom drawer.

With a slightly exasperated look on her face, she got up from her desk and walked off while I sat down at my desk to do some work … and wait, as she would undoubtedly come back with an endless supply of mini-toothpaste.

I waited for a minute, and then a minute more. No sign of her. And yet, while there was no sign of her with a bag full of toothpaste, you could hear what was going on.

You could hear the drawer in the guest bathroom being opened. You could hear rattling sounds, cabinet doors being shut rather forcefully. You could hear footsteps leading away from the guest bathroom and into other areas of the house. There was a rustling of papers, the crinkling sounds of plastic bags, boxes being opened, and the click of a flashlight.

After about a half-hour, my beautiful wife emerged. Her hair looked a little dishevelled, her breathing a bit heavy. But, in her outstretched hand, were two tubes of mini-toothpaste, one looking fairly new and the other looking like it was purchased during the Carter administration.

In a battle between husband and wife, I guess I’d have to call this one a draw.